Sure, I have some writing skills, and my thirty-odd non-fiction articles and a few published poems bear that out. But having skills is different than using them. Knowing some things about writing is not the same as writing, and that's where I consistently fall short.  Writing is active; knowledge is passive, and knowledge fades with lack of use.

So, if I'm not a writer, what am I? I'm a husband/father/computer technician/sole breadwinner. In the past, I have also been a writer/reader/amateur musician/gamer, but in the last few years, I have engaged in precious few of those artistic and entertainment pursuits, and that lack of creativity is wearing on me.

Some of the above responsibilities are not flexible.  I can't very well stop being a husband or father, nor do I want to. Being the sole breadwinner sometimes becomes tiring, but thats not really negotiable. Lannette and I learned a number of years ago that her particular combination of disabilities make her incompatible with the 9-5 corporate working world, so the responsibility for regular income falls to me only.

The computer technician portion is the responsibility that I have the most control over, and still seems to intrude the most on my everyday life.  It's my job, for one thing, but it's also my hobby and an occasional source of outside income.  I never charge market value for my computer consulting work, not because I don't think I'm worth it, but because I think the prices for service in the computer industry are wildly overinflated, especially compared to the worth of the machines themselves. I don't make much from computer consulting, but I do get a good feeling from knowing that I've helped someone solve a problem while saving them money. That "Mr. Goodwrench" feeling only goes so far, though, and more often than not, when I have my head stuck in the side of a computer, or I'm trying to wrap my brain around some bit of confusing PHP code while the clock ticks and a client's website delivers database errors, I find myself wishing I was doing something else entirely.

I think it's time to cut back on the computer consulting.  I won't drop my current web hosting and regular consulting clients, but I'm not going to take on new clients. If clients drop off for reasons of their own, I won't look to replace them right away, if at all. I need to build some creativity and entertainment time back into my schedule, and when I get there, I need to own and enforce it.

By this time next year, I hope I can look back and say that I've written a few more short stories and poems, made some progress on that mythical novel, and learned to play some songs that I've always wanted to learn on guitar. Maybe I will have even sold a piece of fiction or two, if I'm lucky.

I'm not normally much of a convention goer, but I do enjoy attending MileHiCon every year, and I'm honored to be chosen for some panels again this time.  If you're interested in attending any of my panels, here's where I'll be and when I'll be there.

SF (and Otherwise) Poetry Slam -- Saturday, October 22, 2011 at 1:00 PM in Mesa Verde A

Like last year, Rhysling Award nominee David Lee Summers will be moderating this event, and I get to share the panel with Robin M. Ambrozic (author of the Piccolo epic fantasy novels), artist Gail R. Barton, and others to be determined.  This is likely to be less of a poetry slam and more of a reading, if David runs it like he did last year (and I hope he does!)

Sounds Like Steampunk -- Saturday, October 22, 2011 at 4:00 PM in Wind River A

New York Times bestselling author Carrie Vaughn will moderate this panel.  I'll join panelists Jason Heller (Westword music writer), artist Alisia Silliman, and David Lee Summers (who is evidently stalking me, or vice versa), presumably to discuss Steampunk's influence on music.

Polyamory in SF/F -- Sunday, October 23, 2011 at Noon in Wind River B

If someone were to create a Venn diagram of SF/F literature and alternative lifestyles (and somebody probably has), the area of intersection would probably be greater than in a similar diagram made about mainstream literature.  This makes sense, because science fiction and fantasy allow for a wide range of thematic exploration, and a number of SF & F authors have explored polyamory in their work.  Join moderator and author Thea Hutcheson, author Jane Bigelow, self-defense author Marc MacYoung, Loving More Non-Profit Managing Director Robyn Trask, and Yours Truly as we discuss polyamory in the context of science fiction and fantasy literature.

I hope to see some of you there!

As an unabashed geek, I'm all over that.

One of the most important aspects of geek culture is the fact that geeks have each other's backs, as illustrated by the very idea of SOwYGO; Monica Valentinelli came up with the idea after witnessing the development of a geek-bashing thread on a pay-per-click website.  It's also illustrated by the outpouring of support for one of geekdom's most brilliant lights: sf/f/h writer, critic, and mentor Edward W. Bryant.

Ed has been a fixture in the speculative fiction world since the early 1970s, when he first began publishing short fiction.  Not long after that, he founded the Northern Colorado Writers Workshop, from which many of the most successful writers in speculative fiction and mystery have graduated, including Connie Willis, Dan Simmons, Melanie Tem, Steve Rasnic Tem, and John Dunning.

Although Ed has published hundreds of stories, essays, and reviews, perhaps his greatest legacy will be his longstanding mentoring in the sf/f/h community.  He is an unabashedly kind man, and has patiently helped hundreds of fledgling writers and pro writers alike improve their writing and critiquing skills.  He is well-spoken, with a resonant, commanding-yet-gentle baritone voice, and he has irresistable charisma and charm.  If we were to apply old-school D&D stats to him, I think his charisma would be a natural 18, and his intelligence would have to be up there, as well.

Ed has been a Type I diabetic since 1968, the same year he attended the Clarion writer's workshop and launched his writing career.  As he has progressed in years, the diabetes has become a frequent issue due to nerve degeneration.  He recently finished a ten day stay in a Denver-area hospital with a bout of gastroparesis, his fourth in the last three years.  In addition, doctors discovered that his esophagus has slowly been turning to scar tissue over that time, a result of the repeated bouts of gastroparesis.  He also had open heart surgery a few years ago.  The health problems have taken a toll on his writing, and his output has dropped dramatically since the heart surgery.  Unfortunately, this also means his income has dropped accordingly.

Here's where the geek community shines.  Ed's friends, students, and neighbors banded together in late 2008 to form the loosely-knit Friends of Ed Bryant organization.  The Friends of Ed Bryant website and Facebook group formed shortly thereafter.  The purpose was to get the word out to all the people who love and respect Ed that his health and finances were in jeopardy; it was time for the geek community to step up and pay back some of what Ed had given to us over the last four decades.  And pay back we did!  Within a couple of weeks, we had enough donations of money, labor, and medical supplies to dig Ed out of the financial bind he was in at the time.

Folks, it's time to pitch in again.  Ed is currently facing the very real possibility of losing his home due to unpaid property taxes.  Eventually, he will likely sell that house and move into some form of assisted living arrangement, but right now, he needs to get the taxes paid so he can buy time to sell the house.  The Friends of Ed have mobilized again to solicit donations on his behalf, as well as brainstorming ideas to help him out over the long term.  Donations have started rolling in, some as little as $5, others in the hundreds, but we're still far short of the amount he needs in order to pay the tax bill.  If you can afford anything -- even $5 -- please consider visiting the Friends of Ed website and giving what you can.  The donations are processed by Paypal and go directly into an account managed by the Colorado Fund for People with Disabilities.  Unfortunately, this is not a tax-deductable donation, but it does go to support one of the kindest, most influential writers in the geek community.  Ed has stood with us for nearly 40 years; it's time for us to stand in support of one of our own.  Visit the Friends of Ed Bryant website, make a donation, and join the Facebook group to stay in the loop about Ed's status.

Make me proud, fellow geeks.

Connections (Vorticism 2010)

iPhones and Androids and tablets, oh my!
Twitter, Facebook, and SMS in the
Palm of your hand
Instant availability
Instant accessibility
Instant interruptions
Disconnected communication
Never before have we been so
Connected, yet so fragmented.

These are not the 'droids we were
Looking for.

-- Stace Johnson
© 2010

Ambition

by Leonard Bird

When guilt begins to rip apart my soul
for ignoring entropy, my science whispers:
The time the wind took to hone one red stone
is no more than one beat of a raven's wing
carved on the carousel of the galaxy.
Then I lie back in the grass and smile at
drifting clouds, as they slowly change
from warring giants to meandering dreams.

(From River of Lost Souls, 1977, Tooth of Time Press, Guadalupita, New Mexico.)

The reflecting pool stands still

Against the backdrop of empty chairs.

The Gates of Time measure off the minute

When everything changed. Golden

Cranes soar above the museum floor,

Elder brethren to the one above her bed.

“But she’s not a survivor; she wasn’t in the building.”

In her ears, the blast still rings

Plate glass shards impale like arrows,

Smoke still swirls

Whenever people disbelieve.

Every doubt another piece of rubble

Raining

Down.

But like the grand American Elm,

She stands tall, a survivor.

Image ©2004, Poem ©2010 by Stace Johnson

I've actually found myself wanting to write new poems, or songs, or stories.  I've felt a need to do something for me lately, and writing is my natural first choice.  That sounds selfish, but I'll let it stand.  As much as I've chastised myself to think otherwise, it's okay to be selfish sometimes, and in the area of creativity, it may occasionally be essential.

I've been thinking a lot about our friends who live in the area of the Crystal Fire; they haven't lost their home, but the last few days have been very stressful for them as the winds shift the fire toward and away from them.  Fortunately, it appears that firefighters have complete a fire line on the edge of the fire closest to them, and containment numbers continue to creep up.  With luck, hard work from multiple fire teams, and continued cooler weather, hopefully the fire will no longer be a threat to anyone after the weekend.  Robyn & Chuy, our thoughts are with you, the family, and the animals.  Be safe.  To those who have lost their homes, I can only imagine the devastation you feel, and as weak as the sentiment may seem, my heart goes out to you, as well.

I've never been very close to my extended family, but I can say that Uncle Sam was the uncle I enjoyed being around the most when I was a kid.  He was my mom's "little" brother at over 6' tall, and he embodied the southwestern personality of Coyote, the trickster (as opposed to Trixter, which is an entirely different thing.)  And man, he made a mean pot of posole.

Adios, Sam (Sheridan) Moulder.  I miss you already.