Category Archives: Opinion

The Zone

By lytspeed Posted in Friends, General, Music, Opinion Leave a reply

Athletes speak of it often. Musicians claim they are inspired by it. Writers claim their works write themselves from within it. Mystics have prophetic visions while bathed in its light. Martial artists draw unforseen strength and prowess from it.

Somewhere deep inside the mind is a doorway to a place where time does not exist, where actions flow without the burden of thought. The body becomes a conduit for energy that seemingly comes from nowhere and translates into beauty, strength, grace and intracacy. This place is called The Zone.

I have no doubt that such a place exists; I have watched others while immersed in The Zone and seen profound changes in their actions and attitudes. I have even been lucky enough to be there a couple of times. In this essay, I will attempt to describe both what I have observed in others and what I have felt on my own occasions

Several years ago, I went to a late night jam session at a small club in Durango, Colorado. The club was empty but for a few people sitting at the little tables. Because of the low turnout for the jam, the house band spent a lot of time onstage that night. At one point, they launched into a slow, instrumental twelve-bar blues. The guitarist, a quiet Texan named Peter Neds, eased into the solo, playing mainly standard blues licks and runs. Somewhere near the middle of the solo, he slipped into The Zone, and the music began playing him. His solo encompassed every guitar trick I had ever seen and a few more, the entire time conveying a sense of pain and loss that only a slow blues can do. He was not merely stringing together stock phrases; the solo was a living structure, interconnected and sobbing with sorrow. After more than ten minutes, the music began to change back into stock phrases and hooks, spiraling down from the heights it had attained. Peter was coming out of The Zone. To this day, I have never seen anyone short of Stevie Ray Vaughan equal the intensity and emotion of that guitar solo.

I have hoped over the years that I would be able to attain that kind of kinship with my instrument, and have had brief glimpses of it from time to time while I am playing, but never have I been blessed with an experience such as that one.

In an entirely different environment, I have seen a close friend enter The Zone. I went to watch her test for her black belt in Tang Soo Do, a style of Korean karate. The test was grueling, yet she seemed to settle in to it with ease and grace. I realized she was fully in The Zone when she displayed her forms, however. One form in particular showcased the grace and beauty of Tang Soo Do; it was a long, slow form that nearly traversed the length of the dojo, and it seemed to be based very strongly in energy manipulation. As she passed in front of me, I saw the faraway look in her eyes and realized that she was on another level. Her body was responding to the energy so fully that I could almost see the power flow around her, in and out of her lungs and muscles. She was an incredible balance of grace and power, and I gained a great amount of respect for her abilities that afternoon. Of course, she passed the black belt test easily.

The closest I have come to that kind of experience was during a sonic meditation in Phoenix. I went mainly out of curiosity, but left convinced that meditation in general is a strong way to tune in to The Zone. The process involved lying in a darkened room while the facilitator manipulated various sound producing objects, from simple blocks of wood to Tibetan bells to a very large gong. I had no problem relaxing into the meditation and allowing visuals to form in my mind’s eye, but I was not in The Zone at that point. When the Tibetan bells started, I was astounded at the clarity of sound and was unable to focus on anything else. I started letting go of my own perception of reality. Then, the gong started slowly and quietly. The facilitator knew the gong well, and was able to get widely varying sounds by hitting it in different places and different ways, making a gradual crescendo. By the time the gong was sounding at its peak, I literally felt that every wave of sound was a physical medium that rocked my body as if I were in a boat. I had the sensation of floating and, later, flying for an unknown length of time. At some point in my mental journey, the facilitator began the sequence of sounds to bring us back, and when I returned to my body (I can’t describe it in any other way!) it was completely slack and relaxed. Moving my body took several minutes of great effort, starting with clenching and relaxing my fist and working through the rest of my body. I’m not sure where I went, but I know I had the sensation of flying and floating and that I was not aware of the state my physical body was in. It was a bit frightening, but also invigorating for me. I think this was an extreme example of The Zone; perhaps beyond it, because usually being in The Zone requires maintaining some contact with your body in order to channel the energy. All of my energy was directed somewhere other than my body, as evidenced by the extreme relaxed state that it was in when I woke.

It would be nice to be able to enter The Zone whenever I wanted to. I have experimented with various types of meditation and have had limited success, but it has never been reliable for me. I have a theory that it is possible to enter The Zone through any type of disciplined action or practice: sports, martial arts, music, meditation, prayer are all examples of pathways to The Zone. Some people who are extremely good at what they do seem to be able to call it forth on command. I strongly suspect that they are all tapping into the same energy source through different methods. If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, I would be interested to hear your comments. Let me know how you feel on this matter, whether you agree or disagree.

Resolutions for 1998

By lytspeed Posted in General, Opinion Leave a reply

“You say you want a resolution, well, you know, we all want to change the world.” — John Lennon

Oh, sorry, wrong world. Err, word.

New Year’s resolutions aren’t about changing the world, they are about changing ourselves, right? But, in some small way, doesn’t that change the world, too? Maybe that’s why it’s important to take New Year’s resolutions seriously. It is a time of year where millions of people resolve to do things to change themselves; some of them come true. If even some of those resolutions come to pass, it means a slight change in the world as a whole. The good news is that resolutions are generally devoted to positive changes, so that means this is a time of year where, if we take our resolutions seriously, we can make positive changes in ourselves, thereby bettering the world.

Sound a little far-fetched? Maybe so, but I’m a firm believer that the more good is out there, the better off we are. Any constructive change in ourselves will reflect outward to other people, hopefully reinforcing others’ constructive self-images. Often, one person’s success at keeping a resolution can become contagious, helping others to do the same.

I would like to create an anonymous list, to be posted on this website, of others’ resolutions. Perhaps we could check back later in the year, say every three months, and see what percentage of resolutions have been kept. Again, these will be anonymous, and any resolutions submitted can be vague to protect identities.

To get the ball rolling, I will list the resolutions that I intend to work on over the next year, not specifically in any order. (As I said, your submissions may be less specific than these. Also, all submissions will be held in strict confidence.) (Note 10/6/2014: This never happened.)

 

Stace’s New Year’s Resolutions

  • Spend more time with my son and stepson in constructive activities
  • Save at least $100 per month, no matter what
  • Start Christmas shopping early — like July!
  • Submit at least three short stories for publication
  • Learn more songs on guitar and perform publicly more often
  • Take (and pass) some MCSE classes
  • Ride my bike more and drop at least 30 pounds
  • Finish my Bachelor’s Degree in English
  • Volunteer time to Colorado Recording for the Blind
  • Volunteer time to Colorado Department of Education as a Knowledge Bowl reader
  • Make a dent in my Student Loan and other important debts
  • Continue to keep up with this website and learn more about advanced HTML features.

Hmmmm, doesn’t sound too tough. (cough!) Some of these will be easy, but they represent increases in time and money spent (or saved, as the case may be) for me, both of which are fairly rare commodities in my life. It will take work. Perhaps knowing that other people are trying to make difficult resolutions come to pass also will help me meet mine, and vice versa. I’m excited to see what kind of resolution bulletin board we can generate!

Remember, if you are celebrating this New Year’s Eve, please be safe. If you are drinking alcohol, know your limits and have a driver available if you have had too much.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Volunteering

By lytspeed Posted in Opinion Leave a reply

Christmas, as it is celebrated in predominantly Christian countries, is a time of giving. The gifts people exchange are meant to be reminiscent of the gold, frankincense and myrrh brought to the Christ child by the Magi, the mystical kings of distant oriental lands.

All too often, we fall into the trap of thinking that the gifts are the focus; we feel obligated to give gifts to certain people at Christmas time merely because of social norms, or may even want to give gifts but are not sure whether the recipient is comfortable receiving them. How will the person react? What is the appropriate price range? Will others feel left out? These social rules take away from the simple act of giving and throw the emphasis on the material objects themselves, as well as on the social status of the giver.

When removed from the glare of social enlightenment, gift giving takes on an entirely different hue. It becomes apparent that you don’t have to actually give a material gift at all. Gifts can range from the physical to the purely emotional or even spiritual, and the higher the level on which the gift is given, the greater it actually is. When a person hand crafts a gift for another, she is really giving of herself and her time; the physical manifestation of the gift is merely the product of the work done in the name of another person. This is what often makes hand made gifts so special to the recipients. They think of the work that went into the gift in their honor, something that is completely intangible and may never even be vocalized.

Given that, it seems that the true gift here is in the process, not the product. This is a higher level of gift giving than the merely physical/material/social level. There is nothing to say that this only need happen during a single time of the year, however. Perhaps one of the best gifts a person can give is to volunteer time to an organization, individual or cause that they support. I have found that I enjoy volunteering time to non-profit organizations like the National Sjogren’s Syndrome Association or the San Juan Board of Cooperative Services. I identify with the goals of these organizations, and have spent significant time with each in an effort to help them promote their causes. In both cases, part of my motivation is to repay some of the kindness that these organizations showed me or my family in the past. There is a certain element of peace that comes from reciprocation like this; I feel I have given something back to people who have given to me. This peace is not present in such purity when I exchange material gifts with others; it seems to be more of a spiritual thing.

Many have speculated that giving of ourselves is a way to engage in spiritual healing, patching the holes in our soul. I can understand that. There have been times in my life that I have not felt good about myself and helping others has helped me get back on track. I think this is probably one of the purposes behind including community service in criminal sentences, but I’m not sure it works if the motivation to help doesn’t originate within the person. In such cases, the energy spent may actually translate into anger, resentment or hatred for the person imposing the sentence, which does not help the psyche of the sentenced at all.

There does come a time when it is appropriate to say “No,” and it is important to acknowledge that time so that one does not burn out. If I push myself too hard in helping an organization or individual, I find that the purity of purpose and the energy exchange do not happen as often. Occasionally, I need time away from volunteer actions — and sometimes from particular people — to restore the drive to help. At times like this, I know I am not helping anyone, particularly myself. I need time away.

A moderate use of “yes” and “no” will do wonders to help us balance our lives. I tend to err in saying “yes” too often; I have to be careful not to let frustration build up and worm its way into the projects on which I am working.

How do I know what to volunteer for? Look back in your past and identify something that you feel was successful and helped you develop into the position you are now. Often, this is a good way to zero in quickly on turning points in your life. For example, I feel that being on the Knowledge Bowl teams in junior high and high school contributed more to my education than anything else I did in school. When I graduated high school I immediately started volunteering to help setup the local competitions and act as a question reader for them as well. By engaging as a question reader and organizer, I helped to positively influence the lives of those younger than me, reciprocating the effect that I received from such great people as Bill Brown, Bob Sauer, Barry Owen, Steve Thweatt, Marietta Sears, Nick Rampone and many others. For the last several years, I have not been involved in Knowledge Bowl, mostly because I lived in Arizona, where there is unfortunately little interest in academic competition of this nature. However, now that I am back in Colorado, I intend to volunteer as a reader again for the Colorado Department of Education.

Often, the greatest gift we can give is our time. It can transcend material or monetary offerings and help to heal our inner selves, too. If you have never volunteered your time (say, at the local library, if you loved books as a child) I urge you to try it. You will meet fascinating people with many of your same interests and learn how there really is time in your life to help others, even though you have always said there wasn’t. You may even affect repairs on your soul. Give it a shot. Gifts are not just for Christmas, you know.

Humor

By lytspeed Posted in Humor, Opinion Leave a reply

Recently, a man told me a joke — at least, I think it was a joke. “Why didn’t Superman save Princess Di?” he said. Being a good little drone, I shrugged and said, “I don’t know. Why?” “Because he’s paralyzed!” I walked away, shaking my head wondering why he thought that was funny. The night before, he had told me another Princess Diana joke, but I refuse to contribute to its longevity. I’ve already done enough damage repeating this one.

Why is it part of our nature to laugh at other people’s apparent misfortune? We laugh at Chevy Chase’s pratfalls, Jim Carrey’s weirdness, Urkel’s dorkness, Mr. Creosote’s fateful “wafair-thin mint.” We “ooooh” and make hash marks in the air when someone insults another with particular flair. We tune in religiously to watch real people have silly things happen to them on “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” but it’s okay because the winners are getting paid to have half of the country laugh at them. (That kind of makes me wonder about the others, who are just sending the videos in so they can brag to their friends, “See, Joan? Little Billy hit me right in the crotch! Ain’t that the damnedest thing you ever did see?”)

Often, people make light of a situation in order not to become upset by it. A friend in San Francisco told me shortly after the major earthquake at the end of 1989 that locals were calling it the “Pretty Big One.” In order to deal with the situation, people naturally were drawn to humor. Along the same lines, I suspect (though I have no proof) that racial jokes are created by the need for intolerant people to deal with their own insecurities about people seemingly different from themselves. Shock jokes like the one I used to start this essay are a way for insecure people to fight back at the world; “Here! I want you to feel as uncomfortable as I do!” The greater the insecurity, the more crass the subject matter.

I’m convinced it is a learned behavior rather than a natural reaction. I don’t think we are born with the instinct to laugh at others’ misfortune; I think we are taught that it is okay. Recently, my eight year old was introduced to the concept of formula laughter. He had confused the states of Iowa and Oregon and was laughed at for his mistake. His best friend was present, and rather than defend him, she laughed as well. He went to bed that night upset that she would laugh at his intelligence, thinking she was no longer his friend. I tried to explain to him that she was still his friend and did not intend to hurt him. She was merely laughing because someone else was laughing. It is a learned social behavior to laugh when the rest of the crowd laughs, but he was not used to being on the receiving end of it from this particular friend. I tried pointing out how he laughed at people in the same way, and that he would have to learn how to deal with that to make it in life. He would have to learn how to take a joke, like we all do. It certainly felt sad to be chopping away at his innocence and sensitivity like that, but it is a necessary skill to have in today’s world and he would be in for a lot of pain if he didn’t learn to laugh at himself every once in a while.

The last point demonstrates possibly the most common use of laughter: as a defense mechanism. We laugh at things in order to take the focus off of what we are nervous or anxious about. To avoid the pain of rejection or ridicule, we often learn to laugh at ourselves, even when we don’t really think something is funny inside. There are numerous instances from my childhood that I am embarrassed of, but I laugh when people bring them up so I won’t feel the pain from those experiences flooding back. This may not be the most direct way to deal with the problem, but it gets me through the situations with a minimum of discomfort. For this reason, I taught my son that it is okay to laught at yourself occasionally too. Though I wish I could let him hang on to his innocence forever, he does not live in a protected world where that is feasible.

There are types of humor that are not fueled by the pain of others. Puns are the best examples I can think of. They usually require the use of some intelligence to understand, they are meaning-based, rather than situation-based, and they usually don’t require the misfortune of another. In fact, they are a celebration of another’s intelligence because they often require making a connection between seemingly unrelated concepts. Making that connection requires a little effort, and the reward is a small bit of humor. I try to be a humorous person, constantly looking for pun opportunities. Often, I am met with groans or glares, but I know that a groan is a sign of appreciation when it comes to puns. On those rare occasions when I am asked to leave the room, I know I have done my best. :{D

I know I participate in the various types of humor I decry above. I admit that I laugh as hard as everyone else at various gross, violent, sick and twisted animation festivals. I like an occasional dirty joke, too, though I don’t like the really graphic ones as much as I used to. However, my favorite pieces of humor involve the intellect: philosophical humor, puns, historical humor — things that I have to think to understand, basically. Perhaps if we all were to concentrate on this kind of humor our kids wouldn’t have to lose their innocence and learn social defenses so quickly.

Parenting

By lytspeed Posted in Family, Opinion Leave a reply

The title of this essay was going to be “Kids.” I was frustrated with the interaction of my stepson (16) and son (8), both only children until they were thrown unexpectedly into sibling life in a two-bedroom apartment last year. (Parents, don’t try this at home.)

I was prepared to outline all kinds of annoyances about both boys when I realized (for the thousandth time) that I was the one being annoyed and they were just working through a situation that neither of them had predicted or asked for. That’s when I decided to shift the focus from ragging on them to examining my own viewpoint.

Recently, a man in Byers, Colorado, frustrated with the incessant crying of his baby boy, threw the child against the wall and ceiling until he stopped crying — forever. Whoa. Is this where it leads when we, as parents, don’t monitor our own reactions?

Both my children realize that they can annoy me easily, and they (by virtue of being kids) will take advantage of that. That appeals to them, perhaps unconsciously, because it is a way for them to control the actions of someone who is usually trying to control their actions. And that’s where the difficulty comes in for me as a parent. I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I sometimes want to control their lives. I don’t want them hanging around certain people or doing certain things, I want them to have stronger interests in creative endeavors. I want them to be more independent, but I don’t want to give them the freedom to do so.

Somewhere, there must be a line to follow. As a parent, it is my job to guide (not necessarily control) their actions so that they can go into life armed with the skills to survive. It is also my job to protect them and care for them. However, too much “protection” fosters rebellion, especially from teens. Rebellion itself is necessary for them to form their own self image, and is helped (perhaps less significantly) by identification with what they like. Yet, at times I must put my foot down so they know where the lines are drawn. How do I identify when I am pushing too hard? If I am careful, and watch the signals from the kids, perhaps they will let me know.

A person whom I respect greatly once told me that kids “pretty much turn out okay no matter what you do.” That was heartening when I heard it as a 21 year-old, but I think there were some conditions implicit in that statement that I didn’t detect until several years later. First, you must be involved in your kids’ lives. If you don’t show interest in what they are doing, they will look for that attention elsewhere. Second, you must not be so controlling that the kids can’t develop their own personalities. I remember that this parent placed few restrictions on his kids’ coming and going, but he always knew where they were and when they were expected to return. Third, be consistent. Don’t change the rules on them without reason. When disciplining them, make sure the punishment fits the crime; don’t ground them for a month when they come home twenty minutes late. I’m sure there was more unspoken advice in his simple statement, but he was wise enough to know that I was not ready to hear or understand all of the baggage.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m ready even now. Myriad are the times I have reacted first and then realized that perhaps I should have handled a situation differently with my kids. How important are those slips? If I am to believe what I tell the kids, they are very important, just like every decision we make (or refuse to make). Even small acts can act as catalysts and start larger events in motion. It follows that it would be of utmost importance to think through all interaction with your children before it happens, or at least before you act.

Yeah …. Right.

There are at least three problems with what I just wrote. Number one, whether we like it or not, occasions arise where emotions cloud our sense of rationality and bring the issues out of focus. There are also occasions when we do not have the luxury of time to consider our “proper” course of action. Secondly, even when we do have time to consider, we rarely have all the information in a given situation. Even decisions that seem to be good at first can come out harmful in the end (and vice versa.) Finally, we will go neurotic if we let ourselves get so far out of balance as to think we have to be infallible with our kids. I think this is the true core of what my friend above meant. It was not so much a statement about the kids as it was the parents.

In a nutshell, I guess my best option is to do the best I can with each individual circumstance. When I have the luxury of reflection, I will use it. When I don’t have that luxury, I will try to see past the emotions and make rational decisions based on what information I have. And, occasionally, I will be wrong.

But if I make an effort to follow my own advice, maybe they’ll turn out okay anyway.