You know those calls that you expect to get someday, but not today?
“Stace? This is Dad. I want you and your sister – just the two of you – to come out here for a few days. It’ll probably be the last chance we have to get all of us together. I’ll pay for it.”
“Dad, you can’t afford that.”
“I’ll take it out of our savings. It’s important. When you get here, we’ll talk about some things and watch the old home movies. Try to be out here within the next few weeks. No more than a month.”
Most of what I write (aside from blog entries and social networking updates) is non-fiction, science fiction, or poetry. However, I think my best short story is a piece of literary fiction, and it’s currently in the queue at a fairly prestigious literary magazine. I suspect the end result will be a rejection letter; I’m prepared for the worst.
I’m okay with the prospect of rejection. Success and its resulting reader expectations scare me, though. How do I maintain quality output?
An alternate Me just whispered in my ear: “Trust yourself. Satisfy your own expectations and your fears will dissolve.”
My parents weigh heavily on my mind. Dad turns 80 in a couple of months; he had emergency triple bypass surgery three years ago. Mom, almost 75, fell and broke her hip in November and can’t climb the few steps to her bed. She sleeps in a recliner. They live two states from their nearest relatives and refuse to move any closer. When I call them, I can hear the fatigue in Dad’s voice and the creeping senility in Mom’s.
I used to be proud of them for being so independent; now, I just wish they would move back home.
In the past, I’ve blogged my New Year’s resolutions and invariably set myself up for failure by making huge lists. This year, it all fits in less than 100 words, but it’s still lengthy.
1. Clean the litter boxes regularly.
2. Start publishing fiction.
3. Publish more non-fiction.
4. Finish my webOS app.
5. Strengthen my back and neck.
6. Eat no McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches in 2010.
7. Make (and meet) more reasonable goals at work.
8. Streamline our finances.
9. Read for enjoyment.
10. Blog regularly.
11. Transplant my Variax guitar electronics.
(At least the list goes to eleven.)
I spent the last two days agonizing over National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.) During that time, I wrote exactly zero words, which put me about 3,300 words in the hole. In an attempt to kick-start myself, I re-read the story inspiring the novel and became even more depressed and discouraged.
The story has potential. But stressing about NaNoWriMo is not going to get it written. I need to write it over a longer period of time, with less pressure.
To my fellow NaNoWriMates: Forge ahead and meet your goal. I’ll be waiting at the finish line to cheer you on.
