“A year after your death, …” (after Czeslaw Milosz)

A year after your death, I wrote a poem, but I hadn’t really grieved yet. Instead, I fled to Colorado because I finally had the freedom to do so.

Two years after your death, I curled into a ball on the couch and cried uncontrollably.

Three years after your death, I began to feel the guilt in earnest. Did I do the right thing?

Four years after your death, I was too busy worrying about Y2K to think about much of anything.

Five years after your death, you gave me a gift. It had to be you. Who else would stash a brand new wooden toilet seat with a hand-carved trout on it in an evergreen bush the same day my wooden toilet seat at home broke?

Six years after your death, I met your son and attended his wedding.

Seven years after your death, my marriage was in tatters, and I didn’t have enough energy to think about you. I’m sorry.

Eight years after your death, I thought a lot about our time at Brother Falls.

Nine years after your death, I had a new love and a new family, but I still found time to remember my inadequacy in regard to you.

Ten years after your death, our parents were finally ready to watch old home movies again.

Eleven years after your death, this writing prompt reminds me how much I still miss you.

2007 Resolutions

Yes, like every other blogger in the blogosphere, I’m going to post my resolutions for the new year. I did this once before, in a prior incarnation of the Lytspeed Communications site, back before the term “blog” existed. I did keep a few of those resolutions, namely dropping the weight (45 pounds, actually!), playing more live music, volunteering for Colorado Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic, and learning more about coding HTML, but not in 1997.

Yes, my online home turns ten years old this year. And though I don’t have the popularity or visitation that mainstream bloggers have, I do feel pretty good about being ahead of the curve.

I think my resolutions for this year are quite a bit more reasonable than the ones I made in 1997. Maybe I’ll look back in another nine or ten years and see how many of them I accomplished this year.

Okay, enough stalling. Here are my resolutions for 2007:

Manage Finances Better – I have always had a hard time with finances, and I’m getting tired of always being behind the 8-ball. It’s time for me to get it together this year.

Take Care of My Health – My heart attack scare of a couple of years ago really woke me up, and I have made some changes to prevent that from happening again. However, there are some other concerns I need to address before they become Big Issues.

Write Every Day – Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make one better at what one practices, and I haven’t practiced writing enough. I need to write every day. What I write and which medium I use is immaterial; if I write every day, I will get back in the habit I used to have in college, when I was most prolific. Yes, that means more blog entries, too.

Publish Some Fiction – 2006 was a great year for me as far as writing goes. I published several articles at ComputorEdge, sold four poems to Romantic-Short-Love-Stories.com (now defunct, unfortunately), and actually managed to turn a meager profit for the year after deducting my writing-related expenses. However, I didn’t accomplish one of my main goals for last year, which was to publish some fiction. It’s time to complete the set this year.

Do My Taxes On Time – Last year, I was late — very late — in doing my taxes. I guess this could be part of managing my finances better.

Buy a Variax – Line 6 makes the ultimate geek guitar, and I want one so bad I can taste it. (Yum! Rosewood!) I have all kinds of ideas on how I could use it to make things easier in my gigs.

That’s it. Hopefully I’ll get somewhere with these goals this year, and if you’ve made resolutions, I hope you reach your goals as well.

Contemplating Modernization

I’m considering making the move from my hand-coded Creativity Journal to the blog system you are are reading now, which is provided by my ISP.

Advantages for this blog system:
Easy formatting – 2
Easy entry – 1
Better security – 3
Multiple blogs – 2
Multiple categories per blog – 2
Comments – 2
RSS – 3
Motivation for redesign – 1
Online site design – 2
Total advantages for new system: 18

Disadvantages for this blog system:
Uses an extra MySQL database – 3
What to do with the hundreds of old posts – 3
Total disadvantages for new system: 6
Total ads minus disads for new system: 12

Advantages for the old system:
Hand coded (prideware) – 1
Matches my site – 3
Cool indentations – 2
Phone compatible – 2
Total advantages for old system: 8

Disadvantages for the old system:
Poor security – 3
Micro$oft dependent – 3
Design getting old – 1
Total disadvantages for old system: 7
Total ads minus disads for old system: 1


Winner: Go to the new system.

Kind of a no-brainer when I look at it this way, eh?

Watch this space for future updates.

Tune

Tune
(For Phil Sudo)

Earthly tones, with pitch
Ascending, stairsteps to
Divinity.  Silver strings,
Gossamer wings, carry us
Beyond this world to ride
Ethereal melodies.

Expectations fall away,
Allowing soul to soar
Drifting upward in a
Gyre, each cycle higher than
Before.  Tune up!  And
Elevate your consciousness.

— Stace Johnson, 2006